brandon, vans, and Jesus?

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."

~ Isaiah 61: 1-2

something is happening.  something bigger than me, bigger than my finite, limited mind can grasp.  my heart is breaking, and for the first time in my life i realize it is for a good reason.  a heavenly reason.  my heart is breaking for the literally billions of people around me that are hurting.  some live down the street and some live in a place where disaster as demolished there streets and some walk miles and miles on dirt streets to drink unclean water...

why does my heart break?

i found the answer this morning as i was reading my sister's blog.  my heart has been shaped and molded by a family who has shown me, what i believe is the very heart of God.  a heart that looks on the poor, the broken, the hurting, the forgotten, and the abused and offers life.  

i have seen this heart in a mother who dared to love brandon.  brandon, or at least i think that was his name, was a 5th grade student who was left out, poor, and i'm sure forgotten, but not by his 5th grade teacher mrs. teague. i remember her coming home and telling us one day how bully at school had purposefully ruined brandon's project he had been working so hard to finish and make as perfect as he was able.  i remember vividly two things about that conversation: the hurt i felt for brandon, not because i knew him and cared for him, but because i saw the hurt in my mother's eyes, in her voice, and in her tears and i remember how proud i felt when my mom told us she had stayed after school, after spending hours with annoying, pestering 5th graders, to help brandon remake his masterpiece.  i saw the same heart in my mom when she spent 47 in the NICU standing beside her daughter and over her sick grandsons, when i'm sure it brought back frightful memories of her standing in the same NICU over her own sick son.  standing over me. praying for me.  praying to a God she knew and loved to not her son away from her. to not take me away from her.  i have a mom, like my God, who still stands beside and protects her children.  

i have seen this heart in a man who has given his very life to tell people about a God who created them and a God who loves them.  this man, my father, who at fifty gets in a van and drives around the city of knoxville to pick up high school students so they may hear the good news of Jesus. to pick up the forgotten ones.  to pick up the african americans, the latinos, the poor, the lost, the broken.  to pick up santos.  my father loves santos and for a year he fed him, tutored him, cheered for him, cried for him, and most importantly told him on a weekly basis about how much God loves him and how much God desperately wants to have a relationship with him.  my father has shown me the heart of God by sitting in a racquetball court years ago and weeping with his son. a son who at that the time felt like he was not enough, not strong enough, athletic enough or good enough.  a heart that years later still breaks for the same son who falls into the trap of wondering if people will still love him despite the mistakes he has made.  i have a father, like my heavenly father, who gets down on the floor with me and weeps out of a broken heart for his hurting, confused, and scared son.

why does my heart break for those who are in need? why do i desperately want those who are unaware of God's love, forgiveness, grace and mercy to come running to Him to find life?  because for twenty three years i have watched two people who love Jesus flesh out the very heart of Jesus into our world and it has help create in me a similar heart.  a heart that loves Jesus.  i can love a God who heals the blind, looks after the widows, seeks justice for the lost, or stands inside a NICU for 47 days or loves a fatherless latino kid.  you see i hope my heart is breaking not because i selfishly want to change the world or i want to simulate actions congruent with those people who i admire... my heart is breaking because i believe Jesus's heart is breaking too. 

watching

... i can promise you, that by the time that we get through, the world will never, ever be the same...

~ tom higgenson

a few weeks ago it happened.  the plunge, the jump, the push as some might call it.  i stood at the point of a beautiful garden spotted with sunlight beaming through the branches of tall and colorful trees and watched.  nature seems to capture me, it takes me to a place of awe and holds me in tranquility, yet in this photographers' daydream, the trees and flowers, birds and sunlight held none of my attention.  a far more dazzling, more personally knitted, gorgeous of a being walked toward me.  and i watched.  molly was the very essence of a bride on what was certainly a perfect day.  after hours of laughter, dancing, and delicious cake, we left.  we exited not as drew or as molly, but as our pastor told us, we left as drew, of drew and molly, and molly, of drew and molly... and it began... our lives.

one the parts of the week long celebration of our marriage, known to those involved as "wedding week", was a dinner the night before our wedding, where our closest friends and family gathered together to celebrate what was soon to happen.  i once heard a pastor say that in weddings there are no mistakes, only memories, and oh, how the memories began to form.  as dinner was winding down, the clouds that had been hovering, almost in anticipation for the last bit of key lime pie, brought forth a mighty storm.  maybe not as mighty as the storm that caused the disciples to wake Jesus in the middle of the night, but for emphasis purposes we will stick with the strong language.   and we watched.  soon the power was lost and my groomsmen, who also could be considered mighty, began lighting candles, moving chairs, and creating a very special, intimate environment that will never escape my memory.  our friends and family, in this unplanned, magical backdrop, began to shower us with unmerited praises as they talked of memories, both humorous and sweet, and spoke on the impact they believed molly or i had in their lives. and we watched. we listened.  i do not mention these praising words to boost any image of me or my wife, but to show how very powerful the words were and still are.  we left the next day, affirmed as individuals trying to love as we have been loved but more importantly affirmed as a couple about to take on the world. together. drew AND molly.  my friend josh said it clearly by telling us that separate we are great, gifted people, but together we can change the world.  and we will.  not just us, but partly.  for some reason, actually there are too many to list, God has given me molly and he has given me to molly, and it would be so easy for us to continue to watch.  we are so blessed by our families, jobs, friends, apartment, tv, safety, and watching would be easier than changing.  watching molly walk down the aisle was one of the best moments of my entire life, however, i am so confident that, although that moment was life-changing and capturing- a picture of Christ and his love for us, that from now on i will not be watching her but going with her... where?  to the ends of the earth, to "all nations".  i am so blessed to have a wife that wants to change the world; through her voice, her actions, our resources, our lives, her love, and our love.  we have no idea how, where, and when the God who created the world we long to change in His name will use us, but in the mean time we get to learn to love each other, in a way that our God loves us, and hopefully love those who are around us in the same light.  in the midst of confusion on where life is taking, finding new community, searching for answer, and essentially living a world of unknown, we refuse to only watch.

may we all be unsatisfied with watching the world around us break. may we stand up and change the world.

conversation

We have to test everything. I thank God for anybody anywhere who is pointing people to the mysteries of God.
But those people would all tell you to think long and hard about what they are saying and doing and creating. Test it. Probe it. Do that to this book. Don’t swallow it uncritically. Think about it. Wrestle with it. Just because I’m a Christian and I’m trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn’t mean I’ve got it nailed. I’m contributing to the discussion. ~ Rob Bell

so i am very new at this... by this i am referring to the culture phenomenon known as "blogging" and by new i mean this post is my very first.  i have often wondered why people decide to write down their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on a neatly decorated background for the world (or at least the people with enough time on their hands, who know them, and care what they have to say) to read.  there are three reasons why i have joined the blogging world:

my sister

velvet elvis

ms. freeman

reading my sister's blog has not only made me proud of having a sister so talented and insightful, but has challenged me to join the discussion rob bell talks about in his look at christian faith, velvet elvis.   ms. freeman, my senior english teacher, cracked open a door that in the past 5 years has flown open... a door that led to my love for writing and my love for reading.  so here i am. adding to a conversation that i pray is going on in your life; at the dinner table, over peppermint mochas at Starbucks, on long evening walks, or in the spaces and time you and those around you have set aside to simply be together.  in no way do i claim to be an expert, a wise man who people should stop and stand in awe of his insightful and inspiring words... i am just me. and just what exactly does that mean?

i have a deep love for life, for the people who i am blessed to live beside, for the laughter that somehow continually surrounds me, and for the God i truly believe brings all of these three things, life, laughter, and relationships, together in beautiful harmony.

my hope for this blog is simply to discuss what i am learning about life, love, laughter and maybe a little faith... to add my part to the conversation.